These Adorable Bathroom Ideas Look Even Better Without Kids

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Let's be honest. We all want something pleasant to look at while we're in the bathroom. For centuries, dads and uncles have brought reading material into "their office" to peruse while "on the can." And nowadays with tablets and smartphones, time spent on the porcelain pony can be doubly productive time. On the other hand, you're not exactly just sitting there passively. Not everyone can multitask well enough to read, play a game, or write a quasi-satirical blog post while simultaneously, you know... pooping.

Was George an uncle? (Via Imgur.)

And that's where bathroom décor comes in. At minimum, it's some little framed print on the wall of a young boy with his buttocks exposed in the act of micturition. Look it up, it's a real word. You're welcome.

Also I'm sorry.

Why? Just why? (Ebay.)

While many of us are finding it difficult to retain any faith in humanity in the frighteningly reactionary era into which we've been plunged, we must remain hopeful that in this the year two-thousand and seventeen, nobody's still crafting nor purchasing "You can't play with mine, you already broke yours off" needlepoints. In fact, let's just call a moratorium on the whole child-nudity genre of interior design can we? Could we even all agree on that?

Sorrynotsorry someecards user Drew2998259, but some classics should be forgotten.

A devotedly childless couple in our mid-30's, my partner and I embrace with enthusiasm the notion that, being adults technically speaking, we can decorate our apartment with whatever childish, whimsical, cute crap we want. Especially in the bathroom. The longer you're sitting alone in there in silence, the louder and bolder those terrified voices in your head become. For the sake of your mental and physical health, you need at the very least a funky shower curtain to stare at.


Whale Watch by Allure Home Creations

Friends come in all shapes and sizes.

Have you ever wondered if all the water you waste every day could plausibly amount to a volume sufficient to accommodate a complete marine ecosystem including moderately-sized cetaceans? We all have. And that's probably why sea life is such a popular powder room motif.

Middle-class coastalites of a certain age universally seem compelled to collect and display the empty remains of long-deceased bivalves alongside the dried corpses of other aquatic invertebrates, of whose lives and loves the collectors are, perhaps by necessity, willfully ignorant.

Pee next to this terrarium macabre¹ and contemplate the precariousness of existence. (Via Pinterest.)

I hope you, dear reader, will agree that such fetishising of the struggles of those at the bottom of the food chain, and indeed the sea, is outmoded to say the least. And it's not really cute. Simple cartoon whales, in contrast, are cute— and were never alive.

To keep the partially white floor mat looking new for longer, I'd recommend not having children, or in any case not letting children anywhere near your new super-cute happy whale themed bathroom.
(Shop the collection at Hayneedle.com.)


Give a Hoot! by Creative Bath

Can you just not get enough of owls? Do you have owl jewelery, collect ancient Athenian owl coins, follow owls on Instagram, and make breakfast time awesome with a silicone owl egg mold? If that sounds like you, then you probably already have an owl bathroom.

Shout out to Jeph Jacques, the OG of the meme tee.

For those who have thus far managed to resist the haunting hoooo of the owl trend, inviting these ubiquitous raptors (by which I mean graphic or 3-dimensional representations of them, in keeping with our avoidance of dead animals) into your washroom might smack of bandwagonism.

What even are these things. (Photo: Brad Wilson. See more at Audubon.org.)

But consider this. Far from conformists, owls are so unique and diverse it's fucking absurd. After this, go read about owls. (No excuses! I gave you a link, one with pictures no less.) Then check out this equally absurd bathroom collection.

#adulting

We love their 4-toothbrush holder so much we bought one ourselves. Be aware that with its ceramic branches and fun spring-mounted bobbly owls, your best bet is to keep this joyously silly work of art far away from little hands!

Single? Grab two of these and assign each of your roommates their own owl!

(Shop the collection at Bed Bath & Beyond. And while you're there, contact corporate and tell them they're missing at least one comma from their name. Let's make some positive change.)


Kawaii all the things.

For most of us, the bathroom mirror is merely a necessary evil. Looking up at yourself after spitting toothpaste and mouth debris into the sink, noticing how some of your eyebrow hairs have started growing in the wrong direction, there's just nothing to smile about when that spotty looking glass is in your line of sight. That is, unless you've got some decorative and functional kawaii suction cup accessories all up on that shit!

Kikkerland's toothbrush holder comes in other animals too, including an owl and a whale. (Shop on Amazon.)

Animal suction holders are an elegant solution for both hygienic toothbrush storage and visual distraction from your time-worn and disappointing face.

Kids will think these sweet silicone toothbrush holders are toys. Their toys. You don't want that. (Amazon.)

Suction hooks and utility cups let you take advantage of the surface area on your tile and mirror to keep towels, toothpaste, and other sink paraphernalia at arm's length.

This baby chick riding a cat raises uncomfortable questions and is inappropriate for children. (Find this and more kawaii imports at Modes4u.) 

Try draping a cute hand towel across two or more hooks. Be creative! It'll be like, "What mirror? We had a mirror here?" This works best if you live alone or have a private bath; otherwise you'll be constantly fixing your arrangement, which could drive you to frustration or even violence.

Your bathroom, your hollow plastic duckling bellies. (AliExpress.)

As always, if you actually read through this I applaud your attention span or else empathize with your boredom and ennui. Why not take the next step and comment with your own weird, wild, or totes adorbs bathroom decorating tips! (Must be 21+ to comment on this topic, obvs.)

1 That the adjective follows the noun here is not a grammatical error, as both terrarium and macabre are French words. You're welcome!