13 Reasons Why CN's Teen Titans Go! Is the Perfect Way to Waste Your Life

If you were a cartoon, these Millennial superheroes would binge-watch the hell out of you.

If you're between the ages of 13 and 50, chances are you watch some Cartoon Network shows (even if it's just Adventure Time and only due to peer pressure.) Whether you own Stephen Universe lingerie, 3-D printed your own portal gun, or occasionally smoke up and stare at that weird fish feed, you gotta appreciate the creative work coming from CN/AS.

"Time is an abstract concept created by carbon-based lifeforms to monitor their ongoing decay."

But today we're going to talk about a series you may not be so familiar with, even though Cartoon Network plays it literally all day every day. Voiced masterfully by the same talent who starred in CN's Teen Titans series, Teen Titans Go! is so meta it features a keyboard warrior villain who constantly criticizes the direction the franchise has taken— parroting real-life complaints from aging fanboys. (Remember Fanboy from Freakazoid? No? We could never be friends.)

Speaking of Freakazoid, Teen Titans Go! is produced by the Warner Brothers animation studio, the same company that gave us Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, and yes, Freakazoid. In keeping with that tradition, TTG! is a cheeky celebration of the medium of television more than it's an homage to DC or superhero stories in general. That's a large part of why it's regularly targeted online with the kind of vitriolic critique otherwise reserved only for Donald Trump and The Big Bang Theory.

Did we mention Freakazoid?

Depending on your mood, TTG! is a smart, well-written kids show that's really for adults; or great background chatter while you browse job listings and pull out your hair one strand at a time. Fifteen-minute episodes mean you can alternate between paying attention and not paying attention— which is super useful because you'll see the crime-fighting team embark on some of the same non-adventures every day you tune in.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Kitty, but I can no longer play.
For I must engineer the civils."

Here are 13 reasons why this crude and colorful kids show is one of our favorites for drowning out the terrified voices in our heads.

1. For teenagers, these heroes sure drop a lot of 80's and 90's references. To be fair, they don't all know who Balki was. But rest assured there are a lot of gags for "the parents" here.

From an episode entitled "BL4Z3." You're welcome.

2. BBRAE's on-again off-again romance. Will they or won't they? They won't of course because it's a children's cartoon. But in our minds they already have, and it was magical. Feel free to make the obvious jokes re: demon, animal. We decided we're slightly better than that.

3. Some episodes have legitimate and even captivating storylines. But they all have:

4. They figured out soccer.

5. Starfire's dream is to be a friend to all the kitties. She even employs them when she gets a job engineering the civils.

The kitties make the excellent Teamsters.

6. That time serious DC villain Darkseid was voiced by Weird Al Yankovic, and the Titans told Darkseid he sounded an awful lot like Weird Al Yankovic, and Darkseid explained that he is not as evil as Weird Al Yankovic. We'll let you find that one on your own. So you can really savor it.


7. An episode that begins with a squirrel absconding with a bowl of snacks turns into a real and artistically gorgeous exploration of the boundaries of "acceptable violence" across cartoon eras and genres. Its title, "Squash and Stretch," refers to the most important of the 12 "basic principles of animation" described by master animators Ollie Johnston and Frank Thomas in their 1981 book, Disney Animation: The Illusion of Life.

"Return our nuts or face the consequences!"

8. Butts. Butts like we hadn't seen since Ren and Stimpy perverted our childhood over two decades ago.

9. Robin epitomizes toxic masculinity in a way that, while staying PG, is nonetheless reflective of our sick patriarchal society. So it's fun to watch him fail! He may not be Batman's anymore, but he's still a fuckboy. (Are we using that term correctly?)

10. "The Night Begins to Shine," a shockingly good faux-80's-hit that, while not having been written for the show, was released as a single after it was featured on it. The song, and Cyborg's mystical-obsessive relationship with it, became so popular with fans that it spawned a 4-part mini-arc called, "The Day the Night Stopped Beginning to Shine and Became Dark Even Though it Was the Day."

11. The depth and complexity of Raven. She may seem to be part demon, part Daria, but Rae is her own woman: She adores dancing, ponies, and carnage.  Doesn't take crap, even from her annoying/ supremely evil dad Trigon. Usually bored.

It should come as no surprise that TTG!'s Trigon is, well, a TTG! character. As evidenced during this Taylor Swift video Demon Prom.

12. They love food as much as we do.

13. What other shows would do for throwaway gags, TTG! will go all-in on, every time. Case in point: the 5-part "Island Adventures" offers up detailed parodies of Gilligan's Island and Fantasy Island (for the kids?) along with other island-stranded pastiches, and features (much to Robin's chagrin) an ISLAND FASHION SHOW!

Whether you looked at that whole thing or just scrolled quickly to the bottom, give Teen Titans Go! probably another chance. It's not all fart jokes, we swear. #DigIn yo!

Unless you don't have cable. Reeeeally sorry if you don't have cable.